Today starts a series of reflections that is wrought from pain experienced in my short lifetime. It is the pain God has chosen to allow me to experience and I do not compare it to the pain in anyone else’s life – whether to maximize or minimize it.
I am at a point now where I can see redemptive qualities in suffering I have experienced. It hasn’t always been so, and I think you’ll see the many stages of emotions and struggling I’ve experienced as you read in the days to come.
There are accounts of abuse – abuse at the hands of my family. Physical, emotional, mental, sexual. Abuse comes in many forms – violation, neglect, twisting and reimaging what is good into what is bad.
As I’ve worked through my journey up to this point there have been moments of grief in acknowledging my loss of innocence, the lack of nurture and love in my early years, and the crushing weight of unworthiness and shame through most of my adolescent and adult life.
By the grace of a good and loving God and in response and acknowledgment to his great and beautiful love for me – for all of us – this morning I am brought to a place of humbling myself and understanding grace to a point of what I consider radical forgiveness.
Radical in the sense that the bitterness, hatred, anger, fear, resentment…all of these things are brought to a place of knowing and feeling compassion for the great brokenness that resides in all of us – and the ugliness of that brokenness which leads us to mar the image of God by manipulating and hurting those around us who we are supposed to love and care for.
So in reading all of the things I will share in the coming days – in reading all of these things – in all of the raw and ugly descriptions and emotions; please frame them from a perspective of forgiveness.
Forgiveness of others and forgiveness of self for the wrong and ugly we have committed towards God and towards each other.
Forgiveness defined in the dictionary as the noun form of the action of forgiving, or to forgive:
To grant pardon for an offense, debt, etc…to give up all claim on account of a debt, obligation…to grant pardon to a person…to cease to feel resentment against…to cancel an indebtedness or liability of…
The gospel is the ultimate act of forgiveness and reconciliation birthed from a place of ridiculously undeserved and scandalous love.
That a God who is all-powerful and perfectly good would see the broken selfishness and depravity of his creation and humble himself out of love to be made into the form of weak and helpless human infant so that the world would know and understand the original point and intention-of-form of humanity. That he didn’t stop there but then subjected himself to shameful and violent abuse when he himself had not done anything wrong – but he subjected himself to this abuse to the point of death so that our brokenness and depravity would be atoned for once and for all.
That in the moment of crushing death on the cross, when the water and the blood gushed forth from the side of beloved Son dead – forgiveness and reconciliation between God and man were forever sealed. It took death and sacrifice to bring the plan of God to this point.
But after death and grief and loss came the resurrection – that what was sinful and disgusting was put to death so that what is eternally perfect and good would be raised up in its place.
This is the Good News.
That when we can believe in and receive the love and forgiveness of God through the man of Jesus and through the acts of his death on the cross and the proceeding resurrection – we too can put to death that which is sinful in us once and for all and be resurrected in the image of our Lord and Savior.
The sanctification takes a lifetime – but as Henry Blackaby says…we are not created for time, we are created for eternity. This thing we call a life and deem as final is seen by God and by those who believe in Christ as a temporary preparation for our real life of eternity in Him. There is so much more than this.
I read a quote today from a man who is dying and it said this:
“I feel like the door is opening; we go back when we’re done with the job that we were put here to do—it’s so simple, because it would be such a hoax if it weren’t true.”
And it’s so true. We’re sent from Home to be in this place called Earth to do the work of Him who sent us and when we finish our part in this epic work we go on home – we go back to the place where we came from. A Kingdom united for the glory and praise of Yahweh, That who was and is from the very beginning and on into the forever grasp of time that is not able to be grasped by our human minds. The Father of all creation. We go Home to Him.
So in writing all of these things it sounds like I’ve got everything figured out…right? That is so very, very far from the truth. These words are snapshots captured in the moment of my mind and soul where I am hidden in the wounds of Christ and prompted by the Holy Spirit of God to write and speak.
Life and how to live it in light of the gospel is still a learning experience, a struggle to die to self each day. Forgiveness has been an ongoing battle, a wrestling with God that continues on and will likely continue on until the day I’m done with my work here on earth.
But God is good and he is regenerative and infinitely patient. He continually prunes, convicts, and tends us so that we can live and grow to bear fruit for him. The only thing he asks is that we seek him and love him with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength. That in response to receiving and giving this love we are able to love others as we love ourselves.
So thanks friends, for all of your love and prayer in the journey of my life up to this point. I’m so thankful for this season of refining fire, deep healing; thankful for this season of being allowed to know more deeply who God is. Thankful for this season of preparing to be a bride, to be a wife to a man who seeps grace and love to me and to those around him every single day of his life.
I want to conclude this set of words with a prayer I started my day with, a prayer based on Paul’s prayer for spiritual strength in his letter to the church in Ephesus (Ephesians 3:14-21).
Because we need strength of a spiritual and supernatural sort to break bondage, fight darkness, and carry out the work we are set on earth to do. Before I pray, let me share my worldview for this life, the perspective I do my best to live by:
- That there is a plan and purpose for all of our lives.
- God will redeem the hardships and pain we have been through and will go through, for our good and for his glory.
- The redemption of our suffering will help others and bring light and healing to a broken world
- We are empowered to accomplish God’s redemptive work through us by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit
- We are treasured and important but we are not the center – God is the center of everything and he chooses us to help him with his work
Father, Lord, Savior –
We come before you humbly in this moment that according to the riches of your glory you may grant us to be strengthened with the power of your Spirit in our innermost places. Jesus, please dwell in our hearts because we fully trust you and surrender ourselves to your plan and purpose for our lives. Please be patient with us and have mercy because we are weak and need you. Oh, how we need you.
Will you make us solid and fasten and secure us – root us, ground us – in your great love…that we might have the courage and strength to understand and see with all of your people how high, wide, deep, and ridiculously all-encompassing your love is? This love surpasses our knowledge Lord, and we ask that in you and through you we may be filled with all of your fullness so that it may overflow into what and who surrounds us.
Thank you that you are able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think according to the power of your Spirit at work within us. To you be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all of humanity, forever and ever. Amen.
